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2 or 3 (or 20) things you don’t know but now do

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Busy busy with work and writing and so on, so here’s another time-saver of a website update.  If you don’t know me, you may find these illuminating. Actually if you do know me, you’ll probably find they explain a lot.

  1. I hate being photographed.
  2. I don’t like being hugged, esp. by people I barely know.
  3. I rarely have more than 1 cup of coffee a day (which for a writer is rare).
  4. The most valuable tool in my writer’s toolbox? Post-its.
  5. I am a total introvert. Always was, always will be, which best explains why I became a writer.
  6. “Brad” is actually my middle name.  “Robert” is my first, after my father and grandfather. They called me Brad to avoid confusion with the aforementioned two (which doesn’t explain why they named me “Robert” but whatever).
  7. I lived in 9 different cities by the time I was 13.
  8. I rode a bike last year, for the first time in 18 years.
  9. Despite jokes and tweets to the contrary, I’m not really much of a drinker.
  10. I remember things that happened 20 years ago with greater ease than stuff I did last week.
  11. I studied film in university, majored in screenwriting, and paid my student loans off in totality with my first screenwriting gig.
  12. My first pro screenwriting gig came two and a half years after graduating.
  13. I’m shy in real life, which probably explains why I’m more successful in online relationships than actual face-to-face ones.
  14. When dragged to parties, I used to sneak paperback books in with me, find an      out-of-the-way spot, and read quietly. Now I just fiddle with my iPod.
  15. Counting sleep and writing time, I probably spend the majority of my day in my pajamas.
  16. I am one of those rare people who can and will keep a secret to his dying breath.
  17. I have a natural distrust of people. Believe me, it was earned.
  18. I have no tattoos or piercings.  Just not my thing.
  19. While I own a cell-phone, it’s never been activated (or used).
  20. I’m only close to two, maybe three people. In the entire world.

And the bonus round:

  1. Growing up I wanted to be a Marine Biologist. I bet I would have been a good one too.
  2. I could swim before I could walk.
  3. My first memories were at 5-6 months old, and I have the picture to prove it (surprise, I was in a pool when it was taken).
  4. My left leg is half an inch shorter than my right, due to a bad skiing accident I was in at age 9. I still limp slightly when walking too long.
  5. Lists are a good way to waste time.

 

 

100%

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This is the 100th post on my official website.

Frankly I’m amazed I stuck with it this long.  When it was decided I needed to boost my “web presence”, I created this place to do just that. The theory being people interested in hiring me would Google my name, and this website would appear in the search results. They’d then see how brilliant and insightful I was, they’d hire me on the spot and pay me lots of money.  Ergo, I was to use it to promote myself and my work, as all professional writers are supposed to do.

It didn’t quite turn out that way.  Instead I ended up using it to just write about things that interested me, kind of like my Twitter profile became a platform to crack stupid jokes and test material for projects I am writing. Ironically I am very successful at this, having gained more followers on Twitter than I had “friends” on Facebook (which is not the reason I deleted by FB page — though there is a diff. reason for that).  Here I usually blog music, some pop culture, and some promo work, namely my comic book series Mixtape. Some said I was “doing it wrong”, and that this website should exist primarily as self-promo.

But the way I rationalized it, there’s so much self-promo going on in the land of the internet, why not break with that and just write about things that interest me?  I’m never going to get tens of thousands of visitors to this thing, or hundreds of thousands of Twitter followers either, and I’m okay with that, because I’m one of those types prefer quality of interaction over quantity.  Instead of promoting my work, why not write amusing and interesting work, and let people judge it and me based on that work?

So 100 posts in, that means time to reflect, right? So in that spirit, I’m re-posting the most popular, most visited, and all around best posts as decided by clicks on those posts, in descending order. Yes, because I’m too busy/lazy right now to write new content.  But some of you new arrivals may not have dug back that far, so it’s new to you anyway.

Here we go:

10 – HAVING AN AVERAGE WEEKEND

Nostalgia time, as I reflect on a teenaged ritual that sadly only exists in memory.  For me, anyway – I like to think teens today still embark on searches for that special something without doing it from their computer.

9 – GRATITUDE

A.K.A. “The Blog Post I Wish I Didn’t Have To Write” because it was written the day after the passing of Beastie Boy Adam “MCA” Yauch. And yes, it’s a huge loss to music, like losing a Beatle must be to my parents’ generation.

8 – LIVING IN THE SPRAWL

This is actually my personal favorite of anything I’ve written here.  Typically it’s lodged at number 8, but I felt like I channeled something of the sense of longing one gets, growing up in the suburbs, the excitement of downtown and the big city like a siren’s call.  Also, a companion piece of sorts to “Having An Average Weekend.”

7 – MIXTAPE 2013

This one dropped just before Christmas 2012, and details the future of my comic book series Mixtape.  The future is bright.

6 – NO EXCUSES

Written early in April 2012 (less than a month before the passing of Adam Yauch), this was written about another year’s passing since the death of Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain … and how the passing of another Grunge era icon is too often forgotten.

5 – THE REAL THING

This was posted to mark the release of Mixtape #1 in April 2012.  Mixtape #2 dropped in December.  I promise the wait between future issues won’t be that long again.  Hopefully.

4 – THE PROMETHEUS MENACE

The title is pretty self explanatory. Note to self: next time I see a really lousy Sci-Fi film, write about it immediately and the hits will follow.

3 – TIRED OF WAKING UP TIRED

The most recent update to this blog was surprisingly one of the most popular.  Maybe because we’ve all had crazy vivid dreams.  Maybe because we never forget the most memorable ones.  But really, it’s probably because there are pictures of booze, and zombies, and cute/funny cats — all thing people are known to enjoy reading about.

2 – T.R.U.E.

My first webcomic.  Hopefully not the last either, as people really seemed to like it.  It was created for a Spanish comics fanzine, their final issue.  This is the English language version, and is totally based on a true story involving Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey, and some CHUDs.

And the most popular post on my website ever …

1. THE OTHER WHITE MEAT (PART 3)

Though you really need to read parts one and two first to get the whole story (the links of which are embedded at the top of part three).  This detailed the 15 year journey of my screenplay “Hell For Breakfast” to the big screen (in New Zealand, anyway) under the name “Fresh Meat.”  A cautionary tale of sorts, but I was surprised to see how popular it was.  I guess other people’s pain is funny.

So that’s the top ten of the first 100.  It doesn’t even include such personal faves such as how Writer’s Block isn’t necessarily a bad thing; or the one about my love and fear of Horror Movies; of how I became a comic book fan.  It doesn’t include the one I penned nearly a year ago, about how I hate celebrating my birthday, but ultimately consider myself fortunate to be able to celebrate one at all.  It doesn’t even touch on my fixation on Degrassi Jr. High and Degrassi High, and the unexpected influence that seminal Canadian teen soap had on Mixtape.

So, if you have some time to kill and want to know more about me, my writing, and how I’ve manage to carve a living out of it, the above are as good a place as any to start.

Now, I think I’ve procrastinated enough, don’t you … ?

 

The Wanderer

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To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise, you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsmen who play with their boats at sea — cruising, it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and to the wanderers of the world who cannot, or will not, fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about.

I’ve always wanted to sail to the south seas, but I can’t afford it,’ some men say. What these men can’t afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of security. And in the worship of security we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine, and before we know it our lives are gone.

What does a man need — really need? A few pounds of food each day, heat and shelter, six feet to lie down in, and some form of working activity that will yield a sense of accomplishment. That’s all in the material sense, and we know it.

But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention for the sheer idiocy of the charade. The years thunder by, the dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed.

Where, then, lies the answer? In choice. Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?

- Sterling Hayden (The Killing, Dr. Strangelove, The Godfather).

Feel The Pain

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Coming from the cuthroat world of film and TV, it’s easy to assume the world of publishing is like nirvana. Books are nice and warm and fuzzy, and comic books are comfort food.  In reality, the world of publishing is like being in the mosh pit of a Nirvana show circa 1992. You’re battered about, kicked in the face and occasionally wind up in the “Circle of Pain” where ‘roided up jocks with agression issues pummel each other and anyone who gets in their way.  To be more succinct; publishing is like any other creative industry; the “industry” comes first, followed several miles down the road by “creative”.  Publishers want to make money. They need to make money to keep publishing.  Every writer will have horror stories about their experiences, yet they soldier on, and use those experiences as cautionary tales.

I have yet to experience this first hand in publishing (film is another story — and it takes a few drinks for me to loosen the tongue and spew bile forth).  But the other day I read something that left me speechless.  It’s a cautionary tale, and a warning to anyone in the creative field; that sleazeballs may come in all shapes and sizes, but all leave the same distinctive slime-trail in their wake.

Poor Kelli Owen … all of the details here.  It’s an incredible story.

Gratitude

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1987.  I’ve just moved to Brockville Ontario from Greensboro North Carolina.  It’s winter, and I’ve been settling in for a few months when one night while doing homework I hear “Fight for your Right” on the radio. Homework for that moment is forgotten.  I don’t know who the “Beastie Boys” are, but to a 13 year old boy’s ears, it’s the greatest song I’ve ever heard.  It pisses off my parents, which makes it even better.  At a talent show later that spring, three schoolmates perform the entire song a capella.  It’s one of the funniest things the town has ever witnessed.

1989. You cannot escape “Hey Ladies”.  Not on radio, not on Much Music – the video helps kick off the late 80s/early 90s nostalgia for all things 1970s.  I’m in Toronto on one of many visits to a friend and he’s just picked up Paul’s Boutique.  It’s nothing like “License to Ill” – it’s better, deeper, more complex.  “Shadrach” is my favorite track. My friend calls it “their Sgt. Pepper” – a line I will re-use in Mixtape #3 some 23 years later.  Thing is, he’s right – it is their Sgt. Pepper, and a landmark album for the genre.  Naturally it underperforms.  It’s too ahead of its time.

1992. Careening towards high school graduation, barreling towards an uncertain future, and the Boys check back in with “Check Your Head”.  They pick up instruments and lay down some of the most ferocious grooves you’re to hear in a world where the radio is blasting Soundgarden, Alice in Chains and Nirvana.  Blasting “Gratitude” on my car stereo nearly blows out the speakers it’s so heavy.  White suburban kids who claim to hate rap (“it’s crap minus the c”) become converts to the Temple of the Beasties.  College starts in the fall and you can’t escape this album.  It blasts from dorms everywhere.

1994. Alternative Nation has been wounded by the suicide of Kurt Cobain and a cloud has settled over the scene, and over that year’s Lollapalooza tour.  The Toronto date is blanketed with rain, and for the first four sets everyone’s miserable.  Then the PA plays “All Apologies” and soon the crowd is singing along.  The sun breaks through the clouds and a mighty roar pushes the rest of them off.  Then, The Beastie Boys take to the stage, and somehow manage to blow the roof off an open-air show.  They’re the shot in the arm a sodden and soggy crowd needs, and of everyone, the Beasties look like they’re having more fun than anyone else.  It’s my first time seeing them.

1998. Music has occupied a smaller portion of my life.  Focus is on work, on movies, on keeping a roof over my head, but there’s still room for the Beastie Boys.  The giant monster vs. giant robot video for “Intergalactic” even impresses my roommate, who’s not a fan of the Beasties or popular music in general.  Followed by their brilliant song and video for “Body Movin’” (channeling Maria Bava’s Danger: Diabolik — both directed by Adam “MCA” Yauch as Nathanial Hornblower), a lot of people like him realize that the Beasties are legitimate goddamn artists.  You don’t have to look far for someone who claims they “don’t like Hip-Hop” and still like the Beastie Boys.

2004. My second time seeing the Beastie Boys, as they tour “To the 5 Boroughs”.  Once again, the Beasties bring it and then some.  They come around again a couple years later, and I see them again, and again, they look like they’re having more fun than any of us.

2008. I live in one of the five boroughs. So does a college friend of mine.  She offhandedly mentions she works in the same building that houses Oscilloscope Labs, the Beasties’ company, and she occasionally sees them – MCA, usually, arriving at work on his bike.  I am insanely jealous and plot to hang around there one day to have a Beastie sighting, but I never do. I mean, what am I going to say?  “You guys rule?  You’re ‘ill’?”  They already know that.

2012. And now it’s over.

In a way we knew it was over when only two of them showed at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony, having had to cancel plans to perform because MCA was too sick.  We hoped it was a minor setback, but it was not.  You won’t see the Beasties perform again, and they have too much integrity to open the vaults and keep that money machine going.  You can’t have the Beastie Boys with only two. You have to have three MCs and one DJ.  Otherwise it’s not them.

I was woken up early that morning as a storm rolled through the area.  Lightning crashed and thunder boomed, and rains fell for a short time.  Then, the storm moved off and the sun came out, like it did eighteen years earlier in a muddy field outside Toronto.  Only this time it wasn’t really rain; it was Adam Yauch, “MCA”, showing New York how to rock a block party ’til your hair turns grey.