My fourth and final year of film school was quite the different beast from the three years preceding. Whereas before our schedules were loaded with classes on film theory, film history, art history, business, design, film technology, storyboarding and more, the final year we had one class – film production. To earn our final grade and graduate we either had to make a thesis film, or work on at least three other films for other directors in a consistent supporting capacity; cinematographer, editor, sound recordist … or screenwriter.

Me being me I did both. I co-wrote two films for other classmates, story-edited a third, and co-wrote and co-directed my own film with roommate Marcus; an action thriller heavily influenced by Frank Miller’s “Sin City” comic book series titled Vigilante. It was slick and competent, it featured probably the first photo-real computer-generated images of any Ryerson student film, and was loaded chock-a-block with as much swearing and guys-sticking-guns-in-each-other’s-faces as one would expect from a mid-90s crime caper film. Our production teacher thought we were wasting our time, talent, and money on a “dumb action film” in his words, but there was a definite method to our madness.

Unlike me, Marcus still wanted to direct at that point though he was becoming more interested in animation. I wanted to burnish my action movie credentials because my plan post-graduation was to go gunning after the various low-budget genre outfits dotting Toronto at the time churning out low budget direct-to-video movies starring low-budget actors like Jeff Wincott, Jeff Fahey, Michael Dudikoff, and Sven Ole-Thorson. I wanted to be the low-budget schlock John Sayles before I moved on to make my Matewan, my Lone Star, and my Eight Men Out. I reckoned that armed with Vigilante and the various action and genre scripts I’d been shopping around I was bound to get some traction somewhere, right?

Well, yes and no. Breaking in as a screenwriter was neither easy nor was it quick. Not that I didn’t have success or the promise of it; getting read was easy and my work showed some potential on my imagined road to following the Sayles method of cutting my teeth in low-budget exploitation then graduating to more personal work; I just wasn’t there yet. But just writing a screenplay the right sort of people liked wasn’t enough; it had to be something they could sell, and selling took a long time, with a lot of false starts and false promise and having some genuine close calls with stardom on projects that nearly got made only to fall apart in the eleventh hour.

The prime example of this was Hell For Breakfast, a criminals vs. cannibals caper comedy Joe O’Brien and I had been writing on and off over the previous year. By then Joe had landed a job in the offices of low-budget film producer Damian Lee, best known then for the Jesse “The Body” Ventura-starring Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe, and the Corey Haim-starring adaptation of Dean Koontz’ Watchers. So it came to pass one day as Damian was flying to Los Angeles that Joe, in a fit of what was either confidence or stupidity, slipped a copy of Hell For Breakfast into Damian’s satchel without telling him. Damian, intrigued, read it on the plane and when he landed, called Joe to tell him how much he liked it and wanted to talk to him and me about it when he returned. One hastily signed option agreement and small fee later we were in business.

By early 1997 Hell For Breakfast was looking increasingly to become my big break. It was tailor-made to be filmed in one primary location on a budget low enough to almost guarantee a return on the investment, and was actually written to accommodate the geography of Filmshack even though by that point we’d all moved out. But Damian saw greater potential in Hell For Breakfast and for a time it seemed he was right. The screenplay made the rounds and all of a sudden became a hot property, attracting at one point a cast that included Judge Reinhold (Beverly Hills Cop), Sheila McCarthy (Die Hard 2), Michael Madsen and Chris Penn (Reservoir Dogs), James Russo (Once Upon A Time In America), William Forsythe (The Rock), Balthazar Getty (Young Guns II) and Corey Haim (The Lost Boys) himself. This led to a very surreal January 1997 weekend of screenplay work-shopping and revisions with Judge, Sheila, Corey, and Damian at the latter’s condo in Yorkville, right above where the University Theater used to be where I’d seen The Right Stuff just thirteen years earlier.

Sitting across from actual successful Hollywood actors it felt like my moment in the sun had come, but as rapid was its rise so too was Hell For Breakfast’s fall. Clashes of personality, clashes of vision, some bad blood between people I never even met, and most importantly a lack of interest from the international film markets killed the project later that year. It would eventually be resurrected, but that would be until much later in a story I will get to. Yet that was the story of my career in 1997; a series of false starts and early promise before it all came tumbling down. 

Hell For Breakfast’s implosion wasn’t all terrible though. Now on Damian’s radar he commissioned me and Joe to write a Dirty Dozen-styled heist thriller set in the dying days of the Vietnam War, and a brief stint in a hastily assembled writer’s room developing a television series with the very-90s title Team Xtreme. Neither took flight, but they were all valuable in they taught me a lot more about the ins and outs of the entertainment biz, namely “have a contract in writing before you put pen to paper” followed closely by “know when to keep your mouth shut”. 

Just staying alive and keeping a roof over my head was a challenge. Working long hours for low pay at my various minimum wage jobs was soul-crushing, but the worst part of it was working so much for so long for so little meant so many closely-knit friendships I’d made in film school were quickly fraying. Not deliberately but because we were all so damn busy and we were all struggling. Some gave up the quest. Some moved back home. Some found they didn’t much like the film industry and pivoted to different fields. We were all of us in that critical juncture between youth and adulthood where the question “what do you want to do with your life?” became much more frequent and much louder. I felt at times as if I was on a highway at night driving through an obsidian void, the only illumination being the headlights reflecting the lane divider line back at me. Small wonder David Lynch’s Lost Highway hit me in the right place and at the right time. But then David Lynch and I had a lot of mileage together already.

Beginning in 1989 my interests in movies had moved beyond the juvenile to the adult. Through my consumption of movie books and magazines I was hearing the names of groundbreaking maverick filmmakers like the Coens, Gus Van Sant, and Mike Leigh before I ever got to see any of their films. But the most mysterious, most intriguing of all of them was David Lynch. I’d heard about Eraserhead and of course had seen the notorious flop Dune because in the 80s bad sci-fi wasn’t as bad as a boring drama (and for the record I like that version of Dune, messy as it is). I was well-aware of The Elephant Man, having first seen its gloomy black and white movie trailer numerous times when we lived in Vancouver. But it was my buddy Elliott who mentioned he’d rented Blue Velvet and asked if I wanted to watch it, so armed with a VHS from the Video Place we settled into the basement rec room of our house on Chipman Road – the one my parents had build just in time for it to help blow their marriage apart – and settled in to Lumberton, North Carolina and a mystery revolving around the discovery of a severed human ear.

Blue Velvet was an experience. The closest thing I think I’d watched to that point that so perfectly captured the feeling of being in a waking nightmare. It was surreal, dream-like, and punctuated by shocking sex and brutal violence and topped off with an unhinged performance from Dennis Hopper in a movie teeming with eccentric (what we would later call “Lynchian”) characters. Both Elliott and I were in awe-struck silence the whole way through and when it was over, both added a silent “masterpiece” comment in our brains anytime anyone ever brought up Blue Velvet. The movie was a stunner, but I don’t think I quite realized just how much of an impression it made on me until after giving Elliott a lift home. Driving back to my place along Brockville’s quiet streets everything around me felt just vaguely “off” from the way the pavement felt beneath the car’s tires to the architecture of the houses I passed. I stopped at a red light and waited for the green. I waited, and waited, and waited a seemingly impossible amount of time as that red light just bathed everything in crimson, then started flashing on and off before finally switching to yellow, and then green. It was a moment heightened by my post-Velvet mood. To put it simply: it was very Lynchian.

But you say what is Lynchian? To me it is a world-view out of step with the normalcy we see on the surface. It is the teeming masses of ravenous insects that lay beneath your nice green suburban lawn. It is a confession that the world we inhabited was a chaotic place where one false step can pitch you over the edge into a twilight realm where the nightmares dwell. Lynchian is a visual and sonic assault on your senses; a mood more than a concrete idea or structure with an ominous, surrealist tone only a very select few people can hear and immediately recognize. It is, as Velvet’s protagonist Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) would say, “a strange world”.

I picked up a used copy of Blue Velvet on VHS later that year at one of the Brockville Public Library’s annual sales. Clearly it had been decided they had enough copies of Blue Velvet or one copy too many for comfort. I would practically wear that tape down to nothing over the next several years through multiple re-watches. The visual noise and terrible tracking issues that resulted just added to the ambiance of Lynch’s vision. In the degradation of that tape I felt like I was adding my own layer of reality to Lynch’s, distorting further what was pretty distorted already. My parents thought the movie was weird but they pointedly didn’t forbid me from watching or owning that copy. Like even they knew I was going to have to learn how strange the world we lived in really was.

The world – or at least North America and only for a short time – caught up with Lynch’s vision in February 1990 when his and Mark Frost’s TV series Twin Peaks went to air. Peaks was a phenomenon in those early months of a new decade, but even that understates what a lightning bolt to the TV landscape it was considering the top-rated shows of the time remained Cheers, Roseanne, 60 Minutes, The Cosby Show, and A Different World. Lynch’s and Frost’s stab at the small screen was unlike anything else on it and pretty soon everybody was talking about cherry pie, donuts and damn fine coffee. Here was a soapy murder mystery complete with bodies wrapped in plastic, dancing backwards-talking dwarves and an oppressively nightmarish mood that intensified as day became night and those traffic lights blinked red. In the more than thirty years since Peaks first aired it, along with Rod Serling’s The Twilight Zone, remains my favorite television program.

My obsession with Lynch would remain over the years, though it would wane with Wild At Heart which while bolstered by some nutso performances, brutal violence and graphic sex, felt like the Pabst Blue Ribbon version of Blue Velvet. Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me I would see that first autumn of film school and leave me mostly mystified. I wasn’t alone either; by 1993 Lynch and Peaks were mostly forgotten by a fickle public who had moved on to the much safer weirdness of The X-Files. Lynch still occupied a special corner of my memory though; when presented the opportunity to see Blue Velvet for the first time on the big screen at the Bloor Cinema I jumped at the chance and was just as transfixed by its widescreen images previously cropped by video.

I don’t quite remember how I first learned about Lost Highway, though I suspect it may have been the Nine Inch Nails song “The Perfect Drug” which would appear on the film’s soundtrack that first announced Lynch was back. And so it was on my birthday weekend of 1997 I opted for Lost Highway and not the other big movie released that day, George Lucas’ special edition of The Empire Strikes Back. I don’t think anything else shows how far removed I now was from that four year-old Star Wars fan I had been. I and the assorted friends who had joined me for the celebration settled into our seats at … I want to say the Carleton as it was the most centrally located art-house friendly cinema, but like much about my odyssey through Lynch’s nightmare landscape, there’s the truth and there’s my interpretation of it.

Lost Highway was a surreal odyssey that quite possibly never leaves the prison cell its protagonist Fred Madison (Bill Pullman) finds himself in jail after being convicted for the brutal murder of his wife Renee (Patricia Arquette). Fred is a jazz musician – a saxophonist – somehow able to afford a gorgeous home somewhere in the Hollywood hills. Or is it Renee’s house and is he leeching off her? Or is it her house at all, we can ask as through the course of the film we learn more about her mysterious past. We don’t know but despite seemingly being the happy couple there is strife. There is sexual tension, there is jealousy, and there is the most noir of clichés of wondering if your wife is really who she says she is.

What sparks our voyage into this Lynchian reality begins with somebody buzzing the intercom of their home and delivering the message “Dick Laurent is dead”. Fred doesn’t know a Dick Laurent; Alice claims to be just as in the dark. They chalk it up to a mistaken stranger; this is L.A. after all where weirdness comes with the territory. But that weirdness will not let them go not, and what follows are a series of mysterious videotapes that begin showing up on the Madison doorstep. Each contains grainy handicam footage of the Madison house. Then inside the house. Then inside the bedroom as Fred and Renee sleep. The final videotape is of Fred, standing over Renee’s mutilated body; an act that catapults him into a cell on death row, awaiting execution for a murder he claims to have no memory of. Or is the man in the prison cell actually Pete Dayton (Balthazar Getty) a young man with no memory of how he got in there with a now vanished Fred nowhere to be seen? Pete is who he says he is though, and the baffled police release him to the custody of his parents (Gary Busey and Lucy Butler) to resume his daily grind, vigorously screwing girlfriend Sheila (Natasha Gregson-Wagner), and being the auto mechanic of choice for ferocious mob figure Mr. Eddie (Robert Loggia).

And then there’s the very Lynchian Mystery Man (Robert Blake); a pale, Kabuki-painted figure who may be a figment of Fred’s imagination, or who may be an actual corporeal being. The final piece of this very Lynchian puzzle arrives in the form of Mr. Eddy’s moll with the evocative name Alice Wakefield, played again by Arquette this time as a buxom blonde. And if you can believe it, things from get a lot stranger from there, culminating with Fred, on the run from police, stopping outside his home and ringing the buzzer to announce to the occupants that “Dick Laurent is dead” bringing the journey back to where it started, then well beyond it.

I didn’t know what the hell to think of Lost Highway when it was over. So too did many of the people in the audience. It ended to some clapping, some scattered boos but mostly, to reference a different Lynch film, total silencio. It wasn’t even one of those movies we could say was “good” or “bad” because in those immediate moments following its conclusion we just didn’t know what the hell it was. Not that there weren’t some noble attempts over coffee and birthday pie afterwards. The most popular interpretation was that the Pete portions of the movie were all a construct of Fred’s tormented mind at his moment of execution; the violent jump-cuts, his face contorted, his skull bulging as he transforms into the much younger Pete. Like in Ambrose Bierce’s “An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” the rest of the movie playing out in a nanosecond where Fred imagines a different life, a daytime contrast to his nighttime world where he’s young and virile, where he jackhammers Renee/Alice to orgasm, where he kills the bad guys and saves the day. Another interpretation was the film’s narrative actually began in reverse, with Pete meeting Alice, murdering Mr. Eddie, and the two of them changing their names and growing to become Fred and Renee. But even then in the theater and in the post-movie discussion that followed those solutions seemed too convenient, too linear, too predictable for a Lynch film.

Written by Lynch with his Wild At Heart collaborator, novelist Barry Gifford, Lost Highway did not set the box office on fire. The film was largely reviled in critical circles and what audience Lynch had won with the quirky, TV-friendly Twin Peaks hit eject after it. A shame too, because Lynch’s next two follow-ups, the wonderful The Straight Story and the nightmarish Mulholland Drive are among his best work. In fact Drive (which I would see at the 2001 edition of the Toronto International Film Festival before the general public) shares so many similarities with Highway even their titles suggest a duality present in both films. In Drive it’s bright-eyed and chipper protagonist Betty Elms (Naomi Watts) who shares many traits with Fred Madison as she too navigates a nightmarish version of L.A. to help amnesiac friend Rita (Laura Elena Harring) discover who she is. Or is Betty actually Diane Selwyn; a struggling actress in deep depression following a disastrous affair with Harring’s Camilla Rhodes? Viewed as a companion piece to one another, both Drive and Highway communicate to each other with Drive’s mysterious Cowboy and terrifying vagrant seeming to be of the same universe as Blake’s Mystery Man in Highway. In a Lynchian world, both interpretations are probably one and the same. The acclaim both The Straight Story and Mulholland Drive received (the latter is frequently named the best movie of the 21^st Century) plants Lost Highway almost as an outlier; a strangely forgotten Lynch film few mention, as though it never existed at all. But in the years since its reputation has grown as audiences have rediscovered Lynch’s film and placed it within the context of his entire body of work.

Lynch passed away just yesterday, and the news hit me quite hard. Lynch and his work were such a part of my formative, early years of becoming an artist I quite honestly shudder to comprehend the life I might have lived had I not seen Blue Velvet with Elliott when I did. More than any other filmmaking living or otherwise, I think it is Lynch who set me on this path I’ve been following all of my adult life and some of my teenage years as well.

David Lynch. 1946-2025.

Silencio.

---

*The preceding is an excerpt from my non-fiction book “Celluloid Heroes: A GenX Journey Through Fifty years of Cinema”. Still a work-in-progress, hopefully some news on that soon.